phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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