would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
