Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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