He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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