he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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