the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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