Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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