i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize