Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
