I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
