a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
