if you like me you must not know who I am
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
