Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
