Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize