goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He felt like a one man threesome
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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