I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
