If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
