good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize