if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have fence marks all over my body
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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