i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
