Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
