ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
