Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
