I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
