No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
