mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".