If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.