Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.