im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
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Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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