He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
