is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
