On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
