Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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