i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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