that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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