listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
