She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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