piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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