lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize