Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
