hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
