We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
