my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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