every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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