a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
