Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Banned from zoo.
Again?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize