No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
