it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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