They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
organizing the empties. That sober.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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