so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
