Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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