you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
