First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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