I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
