My cat gives me a boner
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
