Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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