In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
