I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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